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22-6-2025

 

"lek la buat kerja korporat je. no one's life on the line."

well, mine is

aku.

aku yang akan mati

!!!!

it's been half a year without ainaa. miss her alot. i'm not the same i was before she left me.

she's moving on to another chapter of life, yet i'm still here.

her last day, was my last day as well.

shit, this be getting sentimental.

lol

---

ever since i started my job,

i think this is the first event i encounter yang i takut sangat-sangat

bukan nak self-diagnose

but i think i experienced mild anxiety

di katil tempat beradu

malam waktu berehat yang panjang

tidak lagi menjadi ruang yang ampuh daripada segala fikiran fikiran dan anasir yang tidak tidak

seringkali terjaga sepertiga malam

menghalang daripada mujarabnya waktu tidur

i'm just wrtiting this post to dump shit my feelings

and re-read back to look if it does get better or not

dear me, let's pass this too shall we?

i believe in you

we can do this

things are gonna be sorted out well.

you'll be in better position than you are today.

:)

have faith!

update 16/11/2025 - it didnt get better.

---

update 21/9/2026 - never felt better (arguably)

i slept at 2:30 am last night, doom-scrolling and bz level up meowdoku.

which is good, cause i'm not putting off sleep for work heehee

wakeup bit lethargic, but me not hating today, is considerably good suda

brought bekal today, nasi briyani and ayam masak hitam

and oh - harini not driving le baby myvi, passenger princess on duty 💅

life's gewd

and the privilege to publish this post while on the clock? uh huh